I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
