i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
