i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
