just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
