it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
