I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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