that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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