My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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