So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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