I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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