the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
