I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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