My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
