literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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