Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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