I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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