guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
