you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
