Kiss
Puke
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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