so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my poor anus
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
