addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
