I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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