please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
