She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
