My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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