it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just found puke in my bra..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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