So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
