We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize