yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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