So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
