Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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