if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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