I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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