I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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