hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The power of my boobs compel you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
