he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
