I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
