8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
