he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
