Apparently you make a good broom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize