is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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