What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
