found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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