you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
