I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
