she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Someone shit on the floor
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
