i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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