I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
