I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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