just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
