i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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