is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
