Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
