I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
