dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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