you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
