Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it's like iHOP with fire
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
