It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
