Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
