I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
