I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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