careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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