My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
only you would photoshop your dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
