I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
