i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I touched a dick in church today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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