did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
