Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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