We named our party play list daddy issues
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.