he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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