I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.