I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night