I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.