He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
