this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
